How nice it is to have a relationship with yourself. And how sad it is to be in the world and not even to have a relationship with the person that you are. What’s the point of leading a life where you do not know who you are? I’ll tell you, the first step, if you want to get down to business here as a human being, is to build a relationship with yourself and maintain it as the highest priority of your life. Why this is so important and how you start with it, I describe here.
No self-realization without relation to oneself
Only when you are related to yourself can you realize yourself. Who is it that you call “me”? What does this self want? Why does it exist? What does he / she like and where does his path lead?
Are not these the most exciting questions of life?
Many people find these questions too difficult. They do not take this time. They prefer to distract themselves and remain in the unconscious dependence.
The problem with dependency
Because we all want to be happy. Only those who do not find happiness in their hearts and do not want to look any further, have no choice but to make their happiness dependent on things in the outside world: the career, money, status symbols, reputation and, above all, a presentable one and fulfilling partnership or children.
If you draw your luck from these or other sources in the outside, the suffering is inevitable. Any dependency will eventually break and you will be thrown back on the missing connection with yourself.
Life wants the truth. If you cling to the outside and mean to be happy forever, you’re kidding yourself.
Dependence is one thing, the other is addiction, because addiction is addictive. More success in the job, more recognition and more sex, so that one partner at some point is no longer sufficient.
Nobody can replace your relationship with yourself
Those who project their own happiness on the partner, this places a considerable responsibility. The partner must be such and so that he or she fulfills your needs from the front back. Otherwise you are unhappy.
That is painful and, above all, no love. True love does not want to take, but give. She lets others be just as he or she is. She does not want to change, manipulate and control . True love just wants to give itself away.
No relationship can make you happy in the long run if you do not relate to yourself. First, you need to be connected to yourself and be at peace before you can reap true, lasting happiness in the partnership.
Start the relationship with yourself: Do your thing!
So all life makes sense only when you start to relate to yourself. Only when you are connected to your heart, you can really reach the hearts of others. Everything else is only self-deception and leads to unhappiness.
Start doing your own thing. Explore who you are. Hey, is not this really exciting stuff to figure out how to tick, what you like, what you can do well and how much you love?
No, you do not have to cling to anything for it, see no people other than your possessions and control no one.
Please do these two steps now:
- Take stock of things, people, and mentalities that make you and your happiness dependent.
- Think about the need behind these things and how you can give it to yourself or relate it from alternative sources.
The important thing is that you free yourself from an absolute dependency. Many people, and I was one of them, see the partner as the egg-laying woolly milk. All the happiness one desires should only come from this one person.
Sorry, but that just can not be the truth. This is the programming of education, school and movies. We were brought up to please our parents, teachers and bosses. We have not learned to think and feel independently. Hardly anyone has shown us how we explore ourselves, how we become loving beings and how we realize ourselves.
Learn to be alone and happy
If you can not stand yourself, you have no relation to yourself. So this is an indispensable step. You need time for yourself, without any distractions. You have to give your undivided attention to yourself and to perceive you lovingly.
Your human self is made up of thoughts, feelings , the body, your needs, your personality and many parts that you want to be aware of. So you have to build a loving connection to these parts so that you are in relationship with yourself.
Any feeling can endure
As you begin to take time for yourself and truly be distracted, you are confronted with your deepest feelings that you did not want to feel before. When I was in a relationship with a relationship, it felt unbearable to be only physically separate from that person. I was addicted to this person.
However, if you want to relate to yourself, you have to become independent and that happens by feeling those seemingly unbearable feelings. Be aware that you are prone to addictive behavior in such unbearable situations. One might not want to feel these feelings and distract oneself from them or possibly use the partner as a “fix” (satisfaction). The whole thing happens unconsciously and we have just learned that so far. On top of that, almost everyone does it, and healthy, independent relationships are more of a rarity.
So the way is to feel everything. That’s not easy, I know. But as you go through, you are getting closer to your true core. You experience your inner truth and become more independent of the things outside. If you make the healing of your soul a priority, you will reach a state where you do not need anything from the outside.
Sincere contact with your fellow human beings
You can connect with people and things because you want to, but not because you have to because of an unbearable feeling. Only when you are at peace with yourself, you can also enter into a loving contact with your profession, the environment and above all the fellow human beings. You do not want to have anything, achieve anything, do not need anything, but rest in yourself. You are love and give it freely.
Make yourself more independent
Many who have no relation to themselves cling to things outside, often to career success or partnership. It must be made clear that work or partnership is only part of life. If you devote your time to only 2-3 areas of life, then something can not be right.
When a pillar breaks, it can hurt a lot and you fall into a deep hole. It is not healthy anyway. Your attention should extend over many areas of life and you should also consciously nurture and maintain all.
Important areas of life are the following:
- Emotions and feelings
- Family and partnership
- Friends and social contacts
- Body and sexuality
- health and nutrition
- Vocation and passion
- Money and material
- leisure time and hobbies
- Creativity and self-expression
- Spirituality and God
So do not put everything on one card, eg the job or the partnership. Also, keep in touch with your family, your hobbies, your relationships with friends, explore who you are and how you can outgrow yourself. If one thing then breaks away, which can happen in a partnership, it can only be valuable to be carried by friends and family.
If you realize that you are really dependent on the existence of a life partner, then forget this plan. First learn a fulfilling life without building up this partner! Only then can you attract a partner who is also happy and you can increase happiness.
Explore yourself and relate to you
You are the most important person in your life, but are you really number one right now? Well, having children is an exception for a while, but even outside distractions have their limitations.
If you are not, then make yourself the most important person. Are you satisfied with yourself and can you love yourself? If not, create that within yourself instead of filling that gap with something outside.
To build this relationship with yourself, these questions can help you:
- What do I like best?
- What do I like?
- What am I good at?
- What kind of things does my heart go to?
- What are my skills?
- What is my vision of life?
- What are my values?
- What should my life be like in 5 years?
- Do I have enough hobbies and interests?
- Do I love spending time with me?
- Do I have the friendships that I want from my heart?
- What is my purpose in life ?
- What are my needs and how can I take care of myself?
- How can I love myself more and do good for myself?
- How can I turn what I do not love into love into love?
- Who is it that is watching through my eyes?
- Am I aware of my thoughts and feelings?
- What are my limits and am I committed to them?
- What does the loveliest version of myself look like and how can I live it?
- Do I feel borne by my social environment when I am not feeling well?
- What carries me from the inside, when everything falls outside?
- Do I realize myself?
- Am I waxing right where I can grow right now?
- How can I learn to love spending time with myself (without following my addictions)?
If you can not answer these questions or just deny them, then it’s up to you to find exactly those answers. I know that’s a lot of questions, but you do not have to do it all at once. Step by step and start with what appeals to you the most. In the course of time, return to the questions that you have already worked on to go further into the depths.
The relationship with yourself is the most important thing in life. That’s exactly what life is for, that you research yourself and really live yourlife. Live. Your full truth. Stand for what you are. Form your opinion. Make your thoughts. Do not take blindly on the outside. Check things and walk the path that feels the most right in your heart.
- Crystallize the individuality that makes up your self.
- Take it completely, with everything that matters to you now.
- Develop yourself in a direction that is more coherent and loving to you.
Learn to be alone. After all, we are connected with others and everything, but you have to lead your own life independently. Nobody can take that away from you.
Can you be alone? What relationship do you have with yourself? Share your experience and questions in a comment or ask your question.